Hi there. We just met. My name is Rebecca.
What do I know about you? Not much. If we're meeting in person, maybe your gender, an estimate of your age, your hair and eye color.
How do we get to know each other? We can build connection by doing things together. At some point we'll start asking each other questions. The deeper the questions go, the more important it is that we share the same language and define our words the same way if we'd like to avoid misunderstanding each other. Misunderstanding is quite normal, so we can work through it, but it is admittedly quite frustrating as well. Wouldn't it be nice if we could avoid it altogether?
When I look at people, I start to analyze them immediately. There's a good chance this sounds a bit scary to you, but that's just how my brain works. I'm not looking to pass judgments, what I want is to understand you. The thing that drives every relationship for me, from acquaintance to intimacy, is seeking to understand the other person and my interaction with them. The moment I can't find something new to understand, I begin to lose interest.
It's easy to look at this and see it as a flaw. It sure can be frustrating sometimes, and for some this is something that needs to be worked through. The conclusion I've come to though, is that some people are worth choosing. What I mean by that is that when the interest fades, when I'm having a hard time finding something new to analyze, I decide to stick around. Lo and behold, I always find something. It would be easy to let myself think that because I got bored, there was nothing left to hold my interest. However, I think that part of it is actually an emotional disconnect hidden behind the excuse of a lack of intellectual stimulation.
I am constantly getting bored and moving on with things, but the truth is, humans are endlessly complicated. When I'm in a bad mood, I can begin to get impatient. In my impatience, it's easy to look at everyone and see how "stupid" they are.
But deep down, I know that no one is unintelligent. You may think "Ah, you haven't seen the people I have then!" But think about it... Are the "stupid" people in your life actually entirely lacking intelligence and reason, or do they simply lack the type of intelligence you prize most highly?
I will be the first to admit that I have a very little interest in the world of sports. However, when I see someone perform exceptionally well in a sport, I can appreciate their dedication and mastery of it. The skills they have are something that I will never possess, and I think they are certainly something to be admired.
Something else that I can have a hard time valuing at times is social intelligence. I'm fairly introverted, and can connect really well with most people one-on-one. Most people can tell that I'm safe. However, when it comes to a group of people, even one in which I know the individuals well, there are many others who can outshine me in entertainment and wit. Being able to understand people on an intellectual level does not make me the life of the party.
But this kind of social intelligence, being able to get on with people naturally, getting them to like you and feel safe and comfortable with you so quickly, it's very useful on a larger scale. Whether it's in business, government, or community settings, being able to have people trust you without needing to have coffee for three hours is a skill to be highly prized.
For me, type was the key to being able to value other types of intelligence in a much more personal way. While I'm usually a pretty patient person, it makes it so much easier to not be annoyed by someone when you have insight into why they might be behaving a certain way.
I don't expect to be able to fully understand anyone, but I love having this language that enables me to compare and contrast, dig deeper, and ask questions that mean something.
-Rebecca Hanan.
P.S. If you'd like to get ahold of this language and find ways to apply it in your own life, whether you're a type expert or it's completely new to you, I'd love to help! You can sign up for a $99 typing session here. If you already know your type, we can use the time to dive in further and assess your skills, gifts, and communication style and see how it relates to your type.